4. How to identify your personal values and live by them

Values are the principles and beliefs that guide your behaviour, choices, and priorities. They form the foundation of how you live your life and make decisions. Adults often spend years reacting to circumstances without clearly identifying what truly matters to them.

Understanding your personal values helps you make consistent choices, focus your energy on what matters, and create a life aligned with your authentic self.

Why this matters

Living in line with your values reduces internal conflict, improves decision-making, and strengthens relationships. When your actions reflect your values, you feel more confident, grounded, and fulfilled.

Ignoring your values can lead to stress, dissatisfaction, or choices that feel out of step with your goals. By clarifying your values, you gain a compass for both personal and professional life.

A realistic example

Theo, a manager in Durban, often accepted extra work to please colleagues. He felt proud in the short term but frequently felt exhausted and resentful.

Through a values clarification exercise, Theo realised that balance, family, and growth were his core values. He began to say no to tasks that conflicted with these values and prioritised work that aligned with them. Over time, he felt more energised, motivated, and respected by his team.

Understanding how values develop

Values form through life experiences, cultural influences, family upbringing, education, and personal reflection. While they can evolve, core values often remain stable in adulthood.

Here are three widely used models to explore values in depth:

1. Rokeach Value Survey (RVS)

Developed by psychologist Milton Rokeach, this model divides values into two categories:

• Terminal values: End goals you hope to achieve in life, such as happiness, freedom, or wisdom.
• Instrumental values: Preferred behaviours or ways of achieving your goals, such as honesty, courage, or persistence.

Objective:

The Rokeach Value Survey helps you distinguish between what you ultimately want in life (terminal values) and how you choose to behave to reach those goals.

When to choose this model:

Use Rokeach when you want clarity on end goals versus behaviours. It is particularly useful if you feel torn between different life choices or struggle to see which behaviours support your ultimate objectives.

2. Schwartz Value Theory

Developed by social psychologist Shalom Schwartz, this model groups values into ten broad types:

• Achievement: Driven by the need for personal success. You seek to demonstrate competence through meeting standards, achieving goals, and gaining recognition.
• Benevolence: Driven by concern for the wellbeing of close others. You value helpfulness, loyalty, and maintaining strong personal relationships.
• Conformity: Driven by the need for social harmony. You value self-restraint, respect for rules, and behaviour that avoids disrupting others.
• Hedonism: Driven by the pursuit of pleasure. You value enjoyment, comfort, and positive experiences in daily life.
• Power: Driven by the desire for social status and control. You value authority, influence, and access to resources.
• Security: Driven by the need for safety and stability. You value order, protection, and predictability for yourself and those around you.
• Self-direction: Driven by independence of thought and action. You value creativity, freedom, and the ability to make your own choices.
• Stimulation: Driven by the need for excitement and challenge. You value novelty, variety, and experiences that stretch you.
• Tradition: Driven by respect for customs and beliefs. You value cultural, religious, or family practices that give life meaning and continuity.
• Universalism: Driven by concern for the welfare of all people and nature. You value equality, justice, tolerance, and environmental protection.

Objective:

This model shows how values interact and sometimes conflict, helping you understand priorities and potential trade-offs in decision-making.

When to choose this model:

Use Schwartz when you want to see patterns, conflicts, or overlaps in your values. It is helpful for making decisions where competing values must be balanced.

3. Personal reflection and storytelling

Your personal experiences are a rich source for identifying values. Reflect on moments of:

• Pride: What made you proud and why?
• Challenge : When did you face difficulty, and what guided your choices?
• Decision-making: Which principles did you rely on when making tough calls?

Objective:

This model helps you identify values embedded in your daily life and behaviours by reflecting on real-life experiences, making your understanding practical and authentic.

When to choose this model:

Use personal reflection when you want real-life validation of your values or to uncover hidden principles guiding your choices. It is especially useful if you want to see how your values play out in everyday decisions.

Free tools and opportunities available

You can explore your values using accessible, free resources:

• MindTools – Personal Values Assessment: Free worksheet to identify and prioritise your top values
• Google Forms or Jamboard: Create a list of values and ask friends or colleagues to select which they see most strongly in you
• Daylio or Notes apps: Reflect on decisions you made during the week; note which align with your values
• Local libraries and online platforms: Many South African libraries provide free access to books on values and self-development

Using a simple values identification tool

Tool: Values Ranking Exercise

Objective: 

The Values Ranking Exercise helps you apply the three models in practice. It allows you to identify terminal and instrumental values (Rokeach), understand priority and potential conflicts (Schwartz), and validate values through personal reflection and storytelling.

Step 1. List possible values
Start with 20–30 values from a suggested list (examples: honesty, creativity, family, growth, balance, leadership, compassion).

Step 2. Rank your top 10
Select the 10 values most important to you. Rank them in order of priority.

Step 3. Identify non-negotiables
From the top 10, pick the 3–5 values you would never compromise on. These are your core values.

Step 4. Reflect on alignment
Look at your current daily actions, decisions, and relationships. Are they aligned with your core values?

Step 5. Choose one small change
Pick a simple adjustment this week to better align with a core value. Example: Schedule time for family if balance is a core value or dedicate an hour to learning if growth is a core value.

Connection to models:

• Rokeach: Helps distinguish terminal and instrumental values in your ranking.
• Schwartz: Enables categorisation of values and awareness of potential conflicts.
• Personal reflection: Encourages reviewing past decisions and stories to validate and reinforce your rankings.

Practical exercise: Your values in action

1. Complete the Values Ranking Exercise.
2. Reflect on one decision from this week. Did it align with your top value?
3. Identify one adjustment to make next week that better reflects your values.
4. Track how acting on your values affects your confidence and relationships.

Recommended books and references

• Stephen Covey – The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
  Discusses clarifying values and principles as a foundation for effective personal and professional life.
• Richard Barrett – The Values-Driven Organisation
  Shows practical methods to uncover personal and organisational values.
• MindTools – Personal Values Assessment
  Free online worksheets to identify and prioritise personal values.
• Brene Brown – Dare to Lead
  Explores how living authentically in alignment with values strengthens relationships and leadership.
• Milton Rokeach – The Nature of Human Values
  Original research on terminal and instrumental values, useful for deeper reflection.

Small action for this week

Complete the Values Ranking Exercise and pick one decision to act on in alignment with a top value. Observe how this choice affects your confidence and sense of purpose.

Call to action

Share one insight about your core values this week. Did recognising your values help you make a clearer decision? Your reflections may inspire others to explore their own values.

What comes next

Next, we will begin Pillar 2: Mindset and Personal Beliefs. You will learn how your mindset shapes behaviour, discover how to challenge limiting beliefs, and explore practical techniques to build a growth-oriented perspective.